The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition Page 2

Never cheat a Klingon…unless you’re sure you can get away with it.

  #194

  It’s always good business to know about new customers before they walk in the door.

  #202

  The justification for profit is profit.

  #203

  New customers are like razortoothed grubworms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they can bite back.

  #208

  Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer.

  #211

  Employees are rungs on the ladder of success. Don’t hesitate to step on them.

  #214

  Never begin a negotiation on an empty stomach.

  #217

  You can’t free a fish from water.

  #218

  Always know what you’re buying.

  #223

  Beware the man who doesn’t make time for oo-mox.

  #229

  Latinum lasts longer than lust.

  #236

  You can’t buy fate.

  #239

  Never be afraid to mislabel a product.

  #242

  More is good…all is better.

  #255

  A wife is a luxury…a smart accountant is a necessity.

  #261

  A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.

  #263

  Never allow doubt to tarnish your love of latinum.

  #266

  When in doubt, lie.

  #284

  Deep down everyone’s a Ferengi.

  #285

  No good deed ever goes unpunished.

  Un-numbered

  A man is only worth the sum of his possessions.

  Unwritten

  When no appropriate rule applies…make one up.

  Stages of Acquisition

  Infatuation: An unreasoning love or attraction…“I want it.”

  Justification: Moral excuse used to explain…“I must have it!”

  Appropriation: To take to one’s self in exclusion of others…“IT’S MINE AT LAST!”

  Obsession: A compulsive or irrational preoccupation…“My Precious!”

  Resale: The action of selling something previously bought…“Make me an offer.”

  About Ira Steven Behr

  Mr. Behr was born in The Bronx, New York. His first brush with success came when he spent six years in search of the elusive Kafiristan Mook, a journey that was written up in numerous medical and psychiatric magazines, as well as in Mr. Behr’s bestselling autobiographical novel, Look! Behind That Tree. Mr. Behr then traveled to Los Angeles where he worked as writer-producer on such series as Fame, Once a Hero, The Bronx Zoo, STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION®, and STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE®. However, Mr. Behr’s proudest moment in show business came when he was chosen to collaborate with Samuel Beckett on a Broadway musical of the film Rocky; a project tragically cut short by Mr. Beckett’s untimely death.

  Mr. Behr currently resides in Paris.